21 guns

For my birthday (:

It's pink and it's Adidas Clima 75. It's gorgeous.


please please please please please?

battlefield

It was like, BOOM, and everything went choactic in my mind. But it has all settled down, thank goodness.

greater things have yet to come

No matter how many million funerals I've been to and have been able to sit through it, I really don't enjoy going to funerals.

Then again, who does? But maybe, some people just have nothing against it. I don't like it at all. The look of the house or the funeral parlour, the songs we sing and the lack of happiness around.

I especially dislike it when it happens to be one of my relatives' or family's funeral.

I can't believe I remember this, but I do, really. The last thing Uncle Hor had told me before being diagnosed with cancer, hence, making him weak and unable to speak much, was how Bahasa Malaysia was plain bullshit. I was shocked to hear what Uncle Beng, the oldest son of Uncle Hor and daddy's closest cousin, had said when he stood up for the eulogy speech. He had said that his father told him when he was younger that Uncle Hor would sell off the house if he had to, just to pay for Uncle Beng's college fees.

I was shocked for about a second, but I recovered from it and smirked to myself.

And I'm pretty sure that that was one of the topics we would always talk about, how stupid Bahasa Malaysia is and how it won't do much to you if you go overseas.

After that, he was so weak, that he would only smile. That is, to me. He probably said much more to my grandfather and his closer family members.

Uncle Hor was probably one of the many grand-uncles that I was closer too, only because he would always be there, at my great-grandmother's house, sitting in an antique chair tied up with raffia strings and watching my great-grandmother run around the house. And when I came, he would always, always talk me and ask me to have lunch.

It's so good to know you're no longer in pain, Uncle Hor. But we'll miss you, and I'll miss that conversations we used to have two years ago. Rest in peace.

coz you, take me the way I am

I don't want a haircut anymore. I decided that I want a change, but just not now. It can wait, I like my long hair (:

Then again, it's so annoying sometimes. I like short hair too.

I am so fickle minded.

I remember in Canada, when my hair would always stick to my face, because of the static, I think. It was absolutely annoying to leave my hair down, so most of the time there, I tied it up and I don't know how other people can let it down and walk around. Maybe their hair ain't as silky as mine, that's why.

All praise to me, every single time.

Sometimes, when I close my eyes, I see funny, ugly, scary faces that freaks me out to the core that I have to open my eyes right away to make sure those faces aren't standing around me. Sometimes, I don't even want to open my eyes because it's just so freaky, like, what if I see the face there? Which, if you think it through, makes it so hard for me to fall asleep and I have to pray and ask God to take away those freaky images and let me sleep, but because I'm lacked of faith, those images just pop up again. I do fall asleep in the end, if you need to know.

That was random. I'm so crazy. There's school tomorrow oh no.

I carried an ugly handbag on Friday. It's by far, the ugliest bag I have ever sen in my life, I don't know how the teacher could own it. And everyone knows how much I hate that bag. And teacher had to ask me, of all the crazy people in the class, ME to carry her crazily ugly bag. If I don't like you before, I don't like you now. Like, I don't like you even more now.

Sigh.
He's hot, isn't he? He can sing too. And he's got a hot white friend named Noah something, I forgot.

I had a dream

I want a haircut I want a haircut I want a haaaaaaairrcutt !!!

catch a falling star and, put it in your pocket, never let it fade away

I'm re-thinking the quitting on the computer all together thing again because I lost MY Documents file and everythings in there - my projects and stories and poems that I don't have on paper and letters to people plus everything else I need and it's so frustrating because I'm trying to move things around and around so that I'll have my page back to normal and then comes out ERROR.

When I open my page today, I kept my fingers crossed, hoping real hard, trying to think positively because you know what they say, as long as you have much faith and all it'll happen but maybe I didn't have enough faith because when my page opened, I didn't get three smiley aliens and a space ship staring at me, instead a grey patch with a very outdated Microsoft look.

I know I'm blabbering, but it's MY BLOG here, okaaaaay. Give me a chance because no one else would hear me out, how sad is that?

And just yesterday, I was using a MacBook, it didn't make much difference because obviously I don't know if the documents can disappear in a snap too. But, boy, did everything else of the lappie feel good.

Anyway. I'm still hoping things will go back to normal, like, in a snap, just like how everything else disappeared because who knows? Maybe it will and when I go back home later, I'll pray real hard. Real hard, baby.

you're not alone

In the past hour, I've been sulking so much that my chin seems to be touching the ground I stand on just because of the computer.

I think I won't ever ever ever take up IT as a major. It pisses me off.

One day everything is fine and the next, everything is gone. I mean, EVERYTHING. Pictures, music and documents. Gone, just like that.

And I got all worked up about it, trying to think of ways to retrieve things back, checking different files and recycle bins. Ditto. At a point, I was so upset that I told myself that I'm giving up the computer until the day comes where people force me into a seat and work on the computer. I was going to live without the computer - I would do school projects by hand, ask friends to help me do researches for school and totally abandon my inbox.

Then, I thought about my blog and how I CANNOT abandon it because, well, I just can't. Which made me think of ways and ways to update it without much usage of the computer since it's impossible to not use the computer and update. Let's minus out cell phones now, eh?

But Mummy was awesome to retrieve my things back, or at least find everything back and I'm so happy now. Well, not so, there's a little technical problem, but pretty much (:

I LOVE YOU MUMMY AND NOT JUST BECAUSE YOU HELPED ME OUT HERE BUT ALSO BECAUSE YOU'RE THE BEST MOTHER EVER.